Gone Rongo
by RedBlueGreen
Summary: Rongo parody: Shego meets Ron in the lair, secrets are revealed and love admitted. All in record time for them.
1. Chapter 1

_**Gone Rongo**_

_Kim Possible_ and characters owned by Disney.

* * *

After reading two short Kigo parodies - King In Yellow's "In the Hands of a Hack" and Ffordesoon's "How Convenient!" - I thought I'd try a Ron/Shego one.

* * *

Ron was sneaking through Drakken's lair, when Shego flew out of nowhere and knocked him down.

"Shego!" he said brightly, once he got back on his feet and regained his faculties, "You look great!" She kicked him in the face.  
"Save it for your girlfriend, sidekick." the villainess said with typical scorn.  
"She's not my girlfriend!" replied Ron.  
Naturally, Shego mocked him. "Aw, you don't appear on her radar? Not hunky enough?"  
"No, she's a closeted lesbian who uses me as cover, or she's really a demanding, hugely jealous diva who treats me like dirt. It works out the same for me; The Ron-Man gets no love. She'll hate me for telling you. She'll probably beat me again." Ron hung his head.  
Shego pouted, "Oh, how sad. I always thought you were too good for her. You need someone more..."  
"Caring?"  
"Er..."  
"Supportive?"  
"Um...experienced. Older. With darker hair and a taste for green and black, okay?" God, why did have to spell it out? Because she couldn't miss the chance to tell him.  
"Really? Badical!" said Ron. He hadn't dared to hope. "I've loved you since I first saw your mugshot! Every time we meet my heart skips a beat, and not just because of the impending pain!"

Her cold heart melted for him. "Oh, Ron, the beatings and death traps were just work. I've loved you for years now. You've grown on me like one of these ill-judged experiments. Even though you're a spotty, foolish, irresponsible (but heroic) teenage boy and I'm an stylish evil mercenary college-grad supervillain, I thought we could fit together. I could see there was a man beyond the clown. Even during that dumb muscle-ring stuff."

"Awesome!" Ron exclaimed. "I kinda thought you wanted Kim, with the grappling and the flirting and the pet names and all." said Ron.  
Shego waved dimissively, "Oh, puh-leeze. All that was just to annoy her. Though if you're just her beard, I see why it didn't work."  
Ron's face lit up with an idea. "Do you know what would really annoy her? If we were happily married and had several kids!"  
She put her hands up. "Whoa, Let's not rush things into one chapter. In fact, let's avoid the kids. You're still a teenager and I'm still clinging to a shred of my in-character personality. We'd both need a lot more development to get there. I thought we'd need many more meetings before this stage."  
Ron said "But we can still date, right? I mean, it's probably going to need a lot of hi-tech sneaking around behind Kim and Drakken's backs, and you'll develop mad techo-skills to outfox Wade, but we can do it."  
"Why hide our love?" she replied. "We'll just let Drakken realise that without me, taking over the world is pointless, while Kim slides into weepy angst over losing you."  
Ron scratched his chin in thought. "Well, she might find love with, say, Bonnie."  
"Who? Well, good for them." Shego moved in close to Ron, and held his face in her hands. Her hands were warm through the gloves. "Can you keep your pants up until we get to my rooms?"  
"Er, maybe."  
"Good. You won't need them after that."  
"Ah-boo-yah! Oh, there they go."

* * *

Another, even shorter (and possibly more hack-like) one may follow. Reviews much appreciated. Also, a better title.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Gone Rongo, part 2  
**__Kim Possible_ and characters owned by Disney.

Author's Note: In these early days of my writing fan-fiction, one favourite and two alerts are a slightly alarming, but gratifying, amount of attention, and I started to think that the second small Rongo parody I had to follow the first was a bit thin. So, to avoid (or lessen) disappointment, I'm thinking I should write a proper second chapter continuing the story of the first. This would have Ron and Shego deal with the trouble their canon-busting relationship causes, with Kim becoming angry and jealous over being made angry and jealous to get them together, Drakken's resentfulness at being left out of the story and the problems of dating across the hero/villain divide.

Until I have a clue what I'm doing there (could be a while), here is that other stand-alone parody, even shorter than the first, with extra angst.

* * *

Ron was wandering through Middleton in the night, feeling angry at Kim. He didn't expect to see Shego sitting on a park bench, sobbing.

For no reason he knew, he called out "Shego!" She looked up. "Er...don't hurt me!" he said.

She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh, get lost, sidekick. I feel too unhappy and vunerable to fight you right now."

Ron sat down beside her, and asked "What's the matter, Shego?"

Something about his kind and sympathetic tone, concerned even for the woman who often tried to render him into mince, made Shego want to tell him everything.

"Drakken just fired me; He said I'm the reason his stupid plans fail. I have superpowers, I'm between five and ten years older, more experienced and better trained but your girlfriend keeps beating me. My family are idiots and I'm so lonely, but everyone says I'm a freak and the evil scares them away."

Ron put his arms around her, not caring if it was suicide. Shego was glad someone wanted to hold her, and leaned into him.

"But how can that be?" said Ron. "You're so beautiful and intelligent and witty and wilful and strong and glamorous and amazing. I've been in love with you ever since I first saw you."

"But what about your annoyingly perfect girlfriend?" Shego asked.

Ron made a face. "She's not really my girlfriend. Kim wouldn't lower herself to my level. She treats me like something stuck to her shoe. She's so demanding and jealous and manipulative, but she puts on a good face in public."

Shego looked into his eyes and admitted the truth. "I hate how she treats you. It makes me so angry, and I want to rescue you from her. I've been watching you for a long time now, and I realise how wonderful you are. I'm in love with you too, Ron."

They kissed. Later they made love. Shego became pregnant, and they married. She gave up being evil and they lived happily together for the rest of their lives. Kim realised how nasty she had been to Ron, and how she would never have anyone so special again. She never found happiness because I don't like her.

* * *

(No, I don't really have anything against Kim. It's a parody.)

Please feed the review cravings.


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